To my Husband who puts up with me.
Things have changed. After all these years (12 years and 9 months to be exact) our relationship has gone thru every struggle and triumph that we could have imagined. But we are still here.
Sometimes we might question where we stand and I’m hoping we are not the only couple that goes thru this. We are young and continuously growing and still trying to find oursel
ves.We are not the same people as when we first met that night at the Harkins parking lot but we are still young and have many more years of growing and evolving.
Witnessing marriages all around us go thru struggles and sometimes they figure it out and make it but more than often nowadays those marriages end. And it leaves me thinking, how could that be? How can you fall so deeply in love with someone and know that you want to spend the rest of your lives together only to do a complete 180º and leave that person and all the memories and the life you have built.
We heard it from everyone about how marriage is hard, how things have changed and marriages just don’t last like in the old days. I’m sure we both agree that it has not been a walk in the park. We have gone from just the 2 us in a one bedroom apartment to 3 of us, working and going to school full time, buying a house, from both of us working to only one income, then there was 4 of us, worrying about money, making it work out, moving, health issues, family problems, and so many other obstacles.
Our daily lives revolve around our job, kids and money. I get it, we are adults and that’s what adults worry about but sometimes I think about how nice it would be if it was just the 2 of us. No arguments about what the kids can eat before dinner, what they can’t wear, the kids attitudes, stressing about them making friends, hoping they grow up to be respectful & responsible adults, not agreeing on how to deal with tantrums, is a clean bedroom really worth a fight. Kids drain us from the very little energy that we have left after our other main adult duties.
We look forward to the weekends that they go to Grandma’s house and we can just relax and enjoy being together.
When we do get that free time we are so exhausted that as much as we try to plan something fun to do we end up completely separate. You downstairs watching your shows and me upstairs working on the computer. Whatever it is so that we don’t have to think. Maybe we will go and grab something to eat but if we do it’s like a ritual, we sit and talk about the same usual stuff; kids, work, money. Come night time maybe we catch up on our shows on Netflix or maybe we just lay there, each on our phone in our own little world. We seem to be in a rut. Can’t we go back to just talking and laughing and enjoying ourselves like we used to when we were younger? Did we forget how to???
It used to be different, we never fought and even wondered if that was normal or if there was actually something wrong with us since we would see other relationships constantly argue. Now, it seems everything sets at least one of us off and we have just gotten used to it. We figured it was bound to happen after all these years together.
I mean, 12 years is a long time. We went from high school dating for fun to meeting each other and now never being apart. In those 12 years, we got married, had 2 kids and added a dog. That is our lives. That is it, everything is just about that. Taking care of ourselves is out the window. Making time for our marriage is almost impossible. Don’t even mention how distant we have become from our friends. Our marriage might not be that exciting to the outside world.
Even though we are told that this season of our marriage is all happiness, satisfaction, accomplishment, connection, peace and FUN! I know we are not in the clear. We know we have to continue to fight for our marriage and our future…..because that is what we want, that is who we are.
So, on the days that end in arguments, and the days I can’t stand looking at you. The days we annoy the hell out of each other and the days that we want to call it quits. Know that for all those bad days there are 100x more good days to make up for them. We have overcome all kinds of obstacles during these years and we will continue to, by each other’s side.
So, when we begin to doubt where we stand and what the future might hold. Know thatI love you…..and our boring, predictable life. Just the 4 of us. I am happy. Even if I might not always show it. Even if I don’t always say it. Just know that I do…. for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.